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14/05/05

Where can this twisted, non-linear rhetoric possibly go to now? What I’ve been writing in this file ‘equilibrium’ seemingly has no definite purpose, and each time I come to it, it is with fresh inspiration, new ideas and a completely different subject. Yet I still find it hard to really focus. So, break it down.

This is equilibrium. That word I chose for some reason, still not entirely understood by myself but I feel that it is the answer somehow. The solution to all problems faced by anyone, be they an individual or a collective. Yes, they’re still ideas and yes they haven’t solved any of my problems, but they have helped me realise that the mind is a magnificently powerful tool, weapon and Supreme Being.

So what has brought on this sudden burst of writing out of nowhere I hear you ask. I just watched a film called ‘The Hurricane’, one that I’d never given the time and patience to before. I have been greatly moved by this film and am very glad I watched it because it is truly amazing. It tells the true story of Rubin ‘Hurricane’ Carter, a black American boxer who was framed and incarcerated for murder and subsequently served 30 years in prison before finally being set free. I find it hard to really find the words to describe why this story has affected me so much. There are so many elements to it that strike a chord within me. The struggle of a black man fighting the institutional racism of his oppressors and his ancestor’s oppressors, the belief in oneself to overcome any obstacle be it physical, mental or spiritual and the infinite battle between good and evil.

Where there is light there is shadow, thus where there is good there is evil. Does this mean that good can never truly triumph? The bad side of human nature seems so prevalent but there is always good, and to me its as if they exist in equal quantities. Let’s assume for a moment that if evil were to dominate and take over, the epitome of it would be total annihilation to oblivion, that would be as far as it could go and would be its ultimate goal. A horrible thought, one that either settles with the cynics or haunts the optimists. Some believe that humanity has already existed and destroyed itself more than once before, a concept I neither accept nor dispute. If that is true then it would certainly further the idea that there really is no hope for humanity, however it could also imply that a chance to overcome this seemingly inevitable end is available, as in ‘third-time lucky’ syndrome.

So if good were to prevail what would be its result? If the extreme of evil is complete destruction, then the opposite of it would be complete creation. Infinite survival? Some guy called Mitchio Kaku, or something, an author I saw on television once, explained some of his theories about how humanity could avoid the unavoidable. He claimed that our evolution must undergo some more radical changes for us to ensure survival. As he put it, a type 1 civilisation could gain control of the oceans, and if that were possible then we would be able to prevent the doom we face from global warming and the melting of the ice-caps. He explained that a type 2 civilisation can gain further control of the earth’s processes to the extent of being able to command volcanoes and such, thus preventing the mass-scale damage caused by the recent tsunami or the death that occurred at Pompeii. A type 3 civilisation can manipulate the stars themselves, and that would, I’d assume, enable them to prevent the damage that a meteorite like the one that allegedly wiped out the dinosaurs, could do. A type 4 civilisation is one that itself can master space travel, and that could lead to well, who knows! Some very heavy concepts but if you know me, I love such things. He hastened to point out that we, as humanity, in our current state are basically a type 0 civilisation but the necessary evolution has already begun, with the likes of the Internet. Yes it is the butt of many a joke and much ridicule but also a great tool, a truly global communication system that has the potential to connect individuals and groups from one side of the earth to another.

This is what I believe, maybe. The internet is just another small step that mankind has taken towards realising the collective consciousness of itself that has always existed. By connecting people in this way, we are coming closer to seeing this consciousness embodied or existing in some form. What that is I don’t know, and I may never know. I have no doubt that there are forces in this world and beyond far above my humble intelligence but nonetheless I believe that if there is a God, then it is us, within us and around us.

18/05/05

Just read over that last part. Quite interesting but quite far-fetched methinks as well, nonetheless worth considering. I need to know the biological reasons for why when I get very very drunk, I wake up obscenely early and find it very difficult to get back to sleep and end up just getting out of bed, as I have done now. The silly thing, its 9am and I’ve been up for hours. The irony of this is incalculable.

I find it ridiculous actually. I normally struggle to get up before midday most days, and am so unwilling to ever do anything remotely academic related, and somehow on the day after the last exam of my university career I’m up at 6am in the bloody morning, and am now typing at my computer!!!! How in the fuck am I able to do this when I can’t motivate myself to get up early to go to uni, to revise or just to make the most of the day? Now that I’m finished, I quite happily do it, strange. Oh well, this is me, always has been, always will be. The reason my degree is going to be substandard and the same reason why my schooling life was much underachieved is that I can’t bring myself to give enough of a shit about studying.

I do care though, but because I’ve gone through life doing the bare minimum I just naturally rely on that as my mind is always elsewhere. Usually on music, often on women (or a woman) and sometimes on all the shit in this document. I need to go back to bed.